Header (2006)
AKA: –
Directed by: Archibald Flancranstin
Starring: Jake Suffian (ATF Agent), Elliot V. Kotek (Travis), Dick Mullaney (Grandpa), Melody Garren (Kathy)
Country: USA; Effed Up American Cinema
Language: English
Runtime: 01:28:53
Genres: Gore-Gruesome, Rape-Sexual-Violence against Women, Rape-Sexual-Violence against Men, Infidelity
Plot – Spoilers:
I want to fuck your brains out, not because I want you so bad, but because I hate you that bad.
Deep in backwoods country, folk follow a peculiar tradition when someone does them wrong and they run out of ways of upping the revenge. They just grab someone from the family and give them a header. First you make a hole in your victim’s head exposing the brain and then you fuck it. The more experienced and savvy ones use a hole-saw drill to avoid skull slivers.
Header has all the symptoms of a trash b-movie and yet, somehow rises above. It’s probably thanks to a legless old man whose enthusiasm over headers adds hilarity to the macabre moments. There are also attempts to build some of the characters. For example, you have this ATF guy masturbating by a lake in one scene. This serves to add nothing to the plot, but only seems to to emphasize his pain and devotion to his sickly wife at home.
Random Meaningless Trivia
This was meant to be the first movie to be posted here but got put off for a variety of reasons.
i prefer footer
i prefer u to off urself clone
I prefer anal & i know you love it fat boy, so get your lil prick out & I’ll lube up my poop chute & you can dive right in.
Im the best & ive come to molest, so line em up you cowards.
Out of all 3 gay boys on “Friends” it was actually David Schwimmer, not Matthew Perry, that all the faggots said gave the best head. The faggots say that Schwimmer looks right at you with those puppy dog eyes while he’s giving you a nice sloppy blow job. It sounds like a dream come true for a fucking faggot like me.
suck my dick
Please tell me more, does he play with balls? does he lick the asshole too?
I can see how that appeals to some one with your sexual predilections Richard, Common knowledge here….Champ!!!
Sounds like Richard is a friends fan, knows the whole cast, fuck off fag
At least Matthew Perry died drunk. What can you claim credit for? (Besides eating pigshit sandwiches with ferment warthog smegma cheese?)
Yap, yap, yap Typical Steve rhetoric, Gay this, Faggot that & I’d expect you to be a Friends fan & know the entire cast, See when i tell you to suck my dick, as i am now, i do so in the comfortable knowledge that you are most definitely not a man you cunt, the mere notion is laughable. Your pal, The Real RJ……..Get suckin ya lil bitch haha
Yes, id expect you’d know of such things, friendly faggot, You want Davids Schwimmers travelling up your asshole dont you Steve, you dirty little LGBTQ rodent cunt, enjoy your “friends” haha
I found the “meaningless” trivia interesting, especially considering the first movie was posted over six years ago now.
Lick my curry pot you fag
You really should stand up to your bullies, little Timmy.
I doubt that a little pussy like you would be able to take the name calling and bullying that goes on here. I think you would crumble like a little asshole.
And then you end up being Tamir’s imposter. Thanks for your life story, friend, but that only strengthens my previous point 🙂
Exactly, The fucking twat is hardly the master of disguise 🥸
Lol, imagine bragging about being hard enough to handle edgelords on a comment section. Is life in the suburbs that rough, kiddo?
Lmfao
Rammit up your asshole
rammit up ur own u nazi wannabe faggot
Eat shit you fat prick, Zeig Heil.
Blubberfuck
It must hurt doing that everyday to yourself when you think of Hitler.
In tribute to Mathew Perry I will be drowing a few sorrows by watching Almost Heroes, 1998. May he rain down steaming piss on all the fuckers who walked away from him when he needed them the most.
Here is the tiniest violin playing just for super rich Matthew Perry who was born with a silver spoon in his ass and died while he was shitfaced in a jacuzzi in the backyard of his mansion.
What a lot of people didn’t know about Matthew Perry is that he was a closeted homosexual. Perry, Schwimmer and LeBlanc are all homosexuals but the powers that be kept that secret from the public as to not hurt the “Friends” brand. Multi millionaire Matthew Perry was found dead in his hot tub on a Saturday night and he was all alone? That is not what happened. He was having a wild gay sex party that got out of hand. Also, Perry was known in Hollywood as one of the most stuck up assholes the town has ever produced.
This is probably the most accurate & believable scenario, fuck him & fuck that stupid show.
To be honest I preferred it when poofs where hidden away in secret. Modern entertainment where it all just hangs out and you can not watch anything without a fag, tran, nigger actor fucking up a decent story production has made everything an instant product for dusty-bin.
I am glad Beckham and Tom Cruise have yet to open up about their long term love affaire and the fact Tom is a Jaffa and not one of his children is a spawn of his own.
Your explanation of his death is dubious. No reason for police to be complicit as his career was finished and the franchise would probably of got a boost if the death was more dirty.
Hollywood folks, the press and the U.S. government are together in this. Perry made big donations to democrat causes, especially Ilhan Omar and Rashida Talib campaigns. The press will say anything they want you to believe without even a consideration of the truth. Some have speculated that Perry died from the vaccination but he was informed way ahead of time by the government not to take that poison. Perry came from a big money family with military and government ties. That is why you first heard he drowned in a hot tub and find out later that whoever called the police said he had a heart attack. The government are going to use gay unmarried washed up Perry’s death to divert attention away from the crooks in the Biden Administration for temporary relief from honest Joe’s constant gaffes. There was a wild gay sex party with young boys at Perry’s house and Perry went overboard with the amyl nitrate. Paul Pelosi, Nancy’s husband, was there and was responsible for supplying the underage gay male prostitutes for the party.
Maybe its time you laid of the electric lemonade.
Exactly
do not trust matthew perry he fucked van halem girlfriend while halem was passed out
no simpathy for this junkie
Cunt deserves death for that alone & Valerie desrves a slap, Eddie is king & sorely missed R.I.P EVH
brain fuck is, arguably, the best and hottest form of guro. i’m glad there’s a whole movie about it, even if it’s pretty bad.
There are many videos and photos of dead men/women of all ages in the interweb, why masturbate to drawings? they are mediocre at best… FUCK YOU!!!! freak
Have a curry & a coke & fuck off you cunt
Tamir is a lowQ troll so is not going to fuck off. Best ignored. His name sounds like a trade name for a pessary to help chlamydia but his comments are fully 100% to get a reaction so he can cum in his pants.
Sorry i did not made that comment… He stole my name
You stole my name though, why would you lie of such things
+1 for creativity (header, eh…). another +1 for having a storyline unlike the similar garbage. the movie still sucks and stupid. and, -2 for really bad fake southern accent.
+3 for no legs grandpa
Lmfao, Hilarious, sick redneck shit. Granddad is a riot.
Came here for frowny face likes.
fuck off
I came to Observe…….& possibly anal sex, you in?
I would have edited out the wife storyline and had a few more lovely ladies for grandad to wet his whistle with. I felt slightly inadequate when I saw the size of drill bit.
Akercocke maybe
fuck off
can you guys not ruin every comment section by acting like children
fuck off
what makes you think they aren’t children?
This is truth ahaha. All time they are like that and they steal my name.
The truth is you are part of an international pedophile ring, in partnership with, Steve, Richard, Trigger points & the always sinister “observer” you are the middle eastern connection providing paki, Indian & middle eastern towel head under 12s for world wide distribution isn’t that right Tamir you filthy, greasy arab cunt?
I give header’s, 5 bucks if you’re above 13, Free otherwise!!!!!
fuck off
footer
shut up clone
cant wait to hear how u killed urself
Good movie but I would rather bust a nut on a faggot’s face. Suck my dick because I love gay sex. ATM, Hershey highway riding, facials, etc. It’s all on the menu if you are a gay faggot like me.
Woo hoo, you so clever Stevie, i might use somebody elses user name, that’ll show em haw haw, as always suck my dick CP predator…..you sound “Triggered you gay cry baby”
When you respond in anger it makes the comment funnier.
Would you say I’m “Triggered” CP Richard?………Suck my dick
Whats funny or more lucky on your part is that you’re actually still alive, it’ll never cease to amaze that some angy vigilante parent hasn’t tracked you down & flogged you death or shot you, Meh…..plenty of time & it is inevitable, your time is coming, You’re own personal Doomsday. Hahahaha
Hahaha
TMI Steve, not the right place champ
You dirty cunt pedo Rick
Fag boi
The funniest thing about this thread is that I didn’t write the original comment. Trust me Ron “suck my dick” Jeremy. There are many people on here that think you are a gay fucking douche bag. This is a movie site, not a gay dating website for lovelorn faggots like yourself. Get lost gay boy.
Thats the funniest thing is Richard, you’re very easily amused aint ya CP?
I wrote it Richard “fuck my 8 year old” trigger boy, isn’t that funny? Ha ha. Ta ta.
It obvious that your cry baby feelings are extremely hurt. Awwwww. Are you going to pout like a little asshole now?
Like your asshole puckers when taking a dick?…….Nah & its obvious you masturbate poodles.
I’d tell you to suck your own, but small parts are a choking hazard.
not a bad movie, much better than I expected . .. the grandpa was a hoot. thanks again EU for filling my evening with this crazy shit. now I know what skull fucking is, have to try it sometime… no close caps was a bummer tho, still made it thru the movie without hearing a word, would have loved to know what the old coot was going on about.
I watch later thank you.
Fuck off towel head
fuck off clone
pure comedy gold